Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Chemo 1 out of 4

Thank you Thank you Thank you for all of your prayers, words of encouragement, hats and scarves, verses, texts, emails etc. I could go on and on and on.
Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the Creator of the sun,moon and stars, who does not change like their shifting shadows. James 1:17
First of all I just have to say The Lord is amazing and continues to walk right beside me or in better words carry me through this Journey he has aloud in our lives. You know by now I can't really tell a story unless I get into detail... Story telling is not a gift of mine without the long version so here it goes.....
Friday was a difficult day seeing where I was going to spend 5 hours every 3 weeks, but The Lord layed it on my heart that there are others in these rooms that probably have no hope. I felt that my attitude needed to change a bit before going today so that if He called me to something I could be obediant. It always amazes me at the immediate peace and comfort you feel when giving something up to Him. Last night as I said goodbye to my girls, as they had to spend the night with their grandmas, my little Halle bug just melted in my arms and said to me "mommy I hate that you have to go through this"! She is 6. I comforted her and held her as we talked through it a bit and then had to leave so we could get up early. I cried the whole way home asking the Lord WHY? Why do my girls need to endure this pain too? I then looked down at my phone lit up from my sweet friend Lori who wrote to me assuring me my Hal bugs will be ok! Oh the Lord gives me people and words just when I need it. We got up this morning and headed into UCSF to meet with Dr. Moasser (my oncologist) first to go over blood tests and any questions I might have. I just love him and can talk to him about anything and he will take as much time as I need. Another one of Gods blessings. We were headed out the door and Dr. came running in and said the nurse needs to speak to you stay here. She walked in and said the immunity shot Dr. wants to give you hasnt been authorized yet and I'm not sure we will get it in time for you to have tomorrow. She said if they can't send it to you ,you will have to drive here tomorrow and have it done here. I sat there for a minute got onto facebook and told everyone to pray! 1 hour later we got a call from the insurance saying they are overnighting it and it will be at Jeffs office by the morning! Praise Jesus! Only problem is Jeff will be giving it to me, more prayers please (hahaha)
We left the office and Jeff and I were able to go have lunch before my infusion. I love spending time with my sweet hub, there is nothing like it. We showed up a bit early hoping to get in sooner and that we did. Now as soon as I walked in Satan reminded me how emotional I was and how was I going to minister to these people when I can't even hold it together? I was emotional but the other part was a lie that I chose not to believe. What I did realize is that most of the time you don't have to say a word a witness can be about your actions. The nurse came over and sat me in a room filled with 5 other people. Now walking in is very uncomfortable, you see everyone has IV's going everywhere and some of them don't look very happy and all eyes are on ME! You know how I do with that. One thing I did notice about today though was it seemed a lot less heavy. More people smiling, more people make eye contact and more people talk to you. Amazing what happens when you give it up to Him. She puts the IV in twice and then started me on saline as she began to tell me about the other two drugs. She told me that there is a pretty good chance I can get an allergic reaction to the medicine so if you feel anything other than how you feel now you need to tell me and I have emergency meds here for you. By the way she says "I will sit here and watch you for about 15 minutes" Can you say PANICK ATTACK... I started to let my mind go there and then I had to remind myself again who is in control and if it happens big deal she has drugs! Needless to say I never recieved any emergency drugs just a pat on my arm saying ok girl your out of the woods! YEAH. I finished up all of my meds after about 4 1/2 hours and I did completely fine. During this whole time I pulled out my biblestudy off and on and the Lord continued to speak to me. I was studying in John about when He sent His disciples out in the boat and a fierce storm came. The men were scared and Jesus walked out to the boat and said to them "Take courage it is I. Do not be afraid". I needed to be reminded of this all day and I was. Jeff was also and I didnt even know it. You see he didnt tell me because he was afraid I would discourage him but he brought encouraging letters to ALL chemo patients today. Thinking about it brings me to tears. I will write it at the end if you choose to read it. I know the Lord gave that scripture to me all day but I think it also prepared me for what was going to happen next. My IV was pulled out and the nurse said you are free to go. I look up and can't find my hub. All of a sudden I see him handing things out to the patients. I am thinking to myself what is he doing? Get me out of here... (seriously). We got out to the elevator and he handed me the letter. I just balled and balled. I was so proud of him because the Lord had been laying this on his heart since Friday and he was obedient to Him. Thank you Lord Jesus! Next we head back downstairs for my gene test result. Long story short NEGATIVE!!!!!!! Yeah
As we drove home Jeff and I chatted about our day together and both agreed that it was a really good day! I may have had to sit and do a chemo treatment and be scared at first, but once again the Lord gave me peace, comfort and answered every pray today quickly! One thing that I loved about today was that my sweet hubby was given the courage and he prayed hard all day for every patient in that place and not only did he do that, he gave them a letter and let them know.
As I close I want to remind all of you. These little trips are to help me and my physical body but more than anything they are helping my spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't have to be sick to serve him or to share about him you just have to be obediant. Lord Jesus help me to continue to be obedient to you!
Please continue to pray for the next 3 cycles and 64 days that my body will endure and pray for my family that they will have strength. Also pray that sickness is bound from our home as I am now at a high risk of infection.
Thank you all so much and I love each one of you
P.s Here is Jeffs letter to the patients

Today is my wife’s first treatment and we weren’t completely sure what to expect. We got the tour last week and everything felt a little (Ok, a lot)overwhelming. I do know that tuna sandwiches and leftover fish in the microwave will probably be frowned on. When we were told by the nurse that from start to finish treatment would be about 4 hours, one of my thoughts was “Wow, what am I going to do for four hours in that little chair”? I am not much of a reader (my wife is) and my simple Sports Illustrated magazine will only kill about an hour. So I have decided to use that time to pray. Not just for my wife, but for each and every person getting treatment in here individually. I prayed today for you and for your family and friends that are going through this with you. I prayed that your pain and your nausea will be little and that you would feel peace and relaxation during your treatment. I prayed that the medicine you are receiving would kill every single cancer cell in your body. I prayed and gave thanks that every person in here is blessed to be able to receive the best medicines at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world by some of the best doctors and nurses around. I will continue to pray for you and for every person I laid eyes on today getting treatment, and that when your treatment is done you will NEVER have to step foot in the oncology department again for as long as you live.
Blessings to you and your family

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