Wednesday, December 29, 2010

One Year Down

As I write this it is very early in the morning as one of my kiddos woke me up to snuggle with me and as she drifted back to sleep I lay there staring as the wall in frustration that I can't sleep. But for some reason the Lord woke me and brought me to my computer. Sometimes life gets so busy there has been no time for me to sit and write. Re: last post in September!

It has been a year since my last chemotherapy treatment and a lot of growing has taken place on my head. If someone would have asked me last year at this time if I thought I would have this much hair I would have told them they were crazy. But as each stage passes with this "mop" I am just amazed at how growth happens, not only on my head but in my heart. I do have to say it hasn't come easy and there have been moments of frustration, doubt, worry and anger but without those things I wouldn't be able to experience the peace and grace that God has given me for each day and each moment.

Since I last wrote my hair has gone from a short fo-hawk to an old lady hair style in a snap! How did I go from a wild hip look to a OMGOODNESS I look like my mom (no offense mom your hair looks great on you). Since I last wrote my heart has gone from excited about the progress with my paintings to anxiety about taking on something I can’t keep up. My physical body has gone from fragile to healthy and emotions are all over the place! hahaha. Praise Jesus for renewing each morning!

Last year as I was going through treatment and just about to end, I realized that my life needed to slow down and that I needed to enjoy and live day to day. Those of you that know me know that life in the slow lane really isn't my style. If I'm not going 100mph or over I'm completely bored. Anyway, 2 huge design projects, getting Graced Canvas started (what a process) , painting commissions, Christmas decorating at church and Omega Nu home tour at our house wasn’t really the slowing down I thought I was supposed to do! As I really enjoy doing all of those things it wasn’t the slowing down I was telling myself I needed to do. Isn’t it amazing how “good things” can take over to the point of exhaustion but yet we don’t see it until its all over and then wish we could go back? The Lord has really worked on my decision making and the ability to say no when I need to and I am excited for the new year to actually be able to put that into place. Well see how my December 2010 writing goes hahaha. I’m praying now for the sound of my sweet Jesus’s voice that I will listen and follow in the direction I need to go.

As far as “Breast Cancer” goes it has been a really neat year. I have been able to be involved in events and things I wouldn’t have been able to be involved in. I went to the wine country and modeled for Cleavage Creek Wine. That was a fun and interesting experience. I met some really beautiful people that have endured a lot over their journey of breast cancer. I can say that I’m glad I never took up modeling as a career, because the waiting between shoots to get the lighting right and waiting for all the girls to go before the group shots made me crazy! Made me crazy because the spread of food was so good all I did was eat and if this was my career I would have never made it, they would have fired me because of so much weight being gained! The wine should be coming out soon and I will let you know when it is here. I was also asked to model for a fashion event at Bella Vagos to raise money for breast cancer awareness and that was a really neat experience too. Just to talk to the survivors and know their stories and their hearts was a true blessing for me! AND I was pampered up all day of the event! Thank you Megan and Erica for organizing everything! The highlight of my year have been the times I have been able to help and spend time with women who are walking the walk that I did through this ugly thing called cancer. I have been able to share experiences good and bad with them. I have been able to encourage them and they have been able to help me through the process just as much as I have helped them. The Lord has placed some very special women in my life and I am so grateful. I have been able to share the hardest part of “my” journey with a beautiful, smart and strong woman. Losing my hair was the hardest part for me and I was honored that she let me share this experience with her. I was able to go and shave her head for her and walk her through each step of it. What a complete blessing it was and what a sweet time. Love you girl! This was one of the times that the Lord made me stop what I was doing (the day of my home tour) take my eyes off of myself and put them on her! I am so grateful for that day and what it did for “me” in the healing part of my journey.

As for my girls and my sweet hub they are doing really well. I definitely think they are excited for the Lord working on me in the department of slowing down and saying no more often. I’m sure they will hold me accountable and I pray that they will. The Lord has really grown all of them spiritually and that I am grateful for. There is still a lot of healing that needs to take place especially in fear of getting cancer again but I think all of that is normal and healing takes time. One day at a time for all of us!

I know that there are a lot of people that have prayed for my family and I as we have gone about this journey and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. Please continue to pray over the next phase of my journey with my paintings and my time. Pray that I would listen to my sweet Saviors voice as to where He wants me to spend it.

Thank you all for the prayers and support. I pray that this year each of you would slow down and listen to the call of Jesus too!

Happy New Year