Friday, December 18, 2009

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
This is a scripture that has been ever so present in my Journey with the Lord and breast cancer. Its starts out with the beginning of the process " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." Then it moves into what he will do with my journey (and yours) "plans to PROSPER you". Then it moves on to my favorite and end of my journey but yet the beginning "plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.
I am about to have my very last cycle of chemotherapy in 4 days. Can I get an AMEN, Hallelujah and Praise the Lord? As I feel like I should sit here and say " this lasted forever", all I can say is WOW I am almost done and where did the time go? There is so much that is overflowing in my heart that I want to say but I feel so overloaded I don't know where to start. First I want to thank everyone for all they have done for me. Praying, bringing meals, sending cards, telling me encouraging stories and so much more. Each and every one of them have come at a perfect time.

This has definitely been a whirl wind of an experience that I have had the privilege of going through for the Lord. There have been highs and lows through it all, but nearing the end I am proud to say I still feel honored that the Lord chose me. That he trusted me with this huge plan of His and trusted that I would hold steadfast to what He was calling me to do and still is. I know that the Lords plan for my future is just as important as it has been through the process if not more important.

The Lord has changed me so much through this journey and still is. That I am so grateful. He has given me eyes to see the people around me instead of just hurrying by. He has given me the compassion to stop and help people in time of need even if it by prayer or by presence. He has given me the ears to listen to people instead of thinking what will I do next and missing what they are saying. He has made me realize that loving and helping people is what it is all about. He has made me appreciate my family and friends MORE than I ever have before. He has made me realize that life is more than just appearance and "who" you are on the outside. Who you are are the inside is what reflects out on the outside no matter what you look like. He made me realize that ALL of the days and minutes I have gone through this journey mattered. All of the crazy things I had to do to help others get through this process and me as well. He taught me how to take my kiddos through this process being 100 percent honest with them and not leave a detail out! He put wonderful people before me at the hospitals, doctors offices, grocery stores, dentist office, school, salon, Starbucks and many other places. He gave me great scarves and hats so that I could get through each day feeling a bit normal ( haha I had to throw that in, but its true). Because I am going through this people have been able to feel comfortable around me to share things they never would have so that I can be praying for them. He has put complete strangers before me and instructed me to pray, as I have and I have watched Him go before me and prepare a place for them. He, Jesus is amazing. The list goes on and on and on.
As I anticipate this 4th treatment I am excited to go. I'm not excited for the side effects but I am excited to go. I think for me, each and every treatment has been so extremely different and has meant something different each time. As I have been anxious, nervous, sad, happy and everything else in the book, I can look at each one with thanksgiving and a grateful heart. There is definitely something very different with this one though than the last 3. A little bittersweet feeling has started to come over me. I have had the privilege of visiting a hospital with wonderful doctors and nurses and not seeing them on a regular basis will be a bit sad. But most of all, seeing the people sitting in those chairs all around me going through the same thing, being able to pray for them and see them week to week is coming to an end. Now I can still pray for them and I will, but there is something about seeing them face to face and talking with them that I will miss.
My last treatment is December 22. At first I was really nervous as the 3rd day after I am at my worst. I try to look at it through the Lords eyes (as best as I can understand). Christmas day is a day to be with family and to reflect on the birth of Jesus. This day was meant to REST in Him who brought His Son to earth for us. It is a time of remembering that and a time of teaching our children that resting in Him is good. So as I approach this Christmas it will be one I will never forget nor will I want to. It will be a great teaching opportunity for my girls to be patient and snuggle and rest with their mommy as I endure one last treatment. Praise Jesus.
I hope that this letter, email, blog, facebook finds you at a time where you can stop and do the same thing. I surely have a new appreciation for my FAMILY, TIME and most of all JESUS. Know matter what the circumstance this letter finds you in, one is not greater than the other they are all trials. What does make it different is how you handle it. I pray each and every one that is reading this will STOP and enjoy the moments you have here on this earth they are only a blink of an eye compared to an eternity in heaven.
Blessings to you all and have a Merry Christmas

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