As I write this I am sitting in a tattoo shop watching my sweet hub get a tattoo of Christ’s crucified hands on his back. As I watch the pain he is going through getting this tattoo it has actually brought me back to Christ himself and what He had to go through all for US and our sin! WOW what a thought and image this has brought to me. Just the thought of Christ being beaten and crucified for me is amazing and not even comprehendible BUT I am so thankful that He did so that I could be saved and live with Him eternally forever!
It has been such a long time since I have written about anything going on with my health or even just life itself. I have so much to be thankful for and wanted to share a little with you. It has been one year since I was diagnosed with cancer and man has it gone by quickly. As weird as that is it really did fly by (now that I look back).
I have really been reflecting on the last year and as time has past I have found myself drifting a bit from spending a lot of time with my Jesus (sad I know). I spend time with him daily talking with him but actually diving into His word I have found myself finding “more important” things to do. It has been sad because my reliance on Him has diminished because I am in “good” times now. No more cancer, only have to be checked every 6 months, chemo every six months etc. As I have looked back over my entire life I have cherished my hard times! Why? Because those are the times that I fall on my face before Him and really listen to what He has for me and what He is teaching me. I always wonder why it takes me to have a “trial to do this”. I often wonder why it is so hard to listen when I am not hurting. Lord Jesus help me with this!
As I am sitting in this tattoo shop I have probably heard the “f” word 100 times and every other curse word in the book 500 times. I have sat and listened to the most evil music (because that is what this industry likes) but yet the people in here are so extremely nice and I really really enjoy talking with them and listening about their life stories. I realized today over the 10 plus hours I have been in here that sometimes this is comparable to my life. Even though it might be different and my sin is extremely different than theirs yet to Jesus it is still the same. He loves these guys just as much as He loves me and wants them to spend eternal life with Him. As I sit and learn and watch these guys I realize how blind they are to the truth but yet some of them talk about God as if they know Him. Sometimes I wonder if I give this portrayal to some? Lord Jesus help me to be a witness for you. I will talk openly about my Jesus to whoever wants to hear and so badly want them to listen but realize that they are so deaf to the truth and it is up to the Lord to intervene and do the work. I am yet a tool that He has provided for the moment.
One of the things I love about the Lord is He constantly puts things on my heart and mind and leads me to share them with you and I love that. As I write I feel the Lord teaches me so much about myself and how I can make things different and bring my Jesus glory!
We just got home from LA and another doctors appointment to go to. I had my 6 month check up with my surgeon yesterday and everything is great. She said keep doing what you are doing and I will see you in another 6 months. YEAH!!!! I do have my 6 month check up in October and have my chemo treatment for reoccurrence but other than that I am good!
I feel like I am in a season of life that is a season of blessing. As I look back I probably could say that each and every season is a blessing but there seems to be something extremely different about this time. During my journey of breast cancer I felt God more than I ever had in my life. I felt him near in comforting me and holding me through a part of my life that at times was very scary. This season I feel him doing all of those same things but yet in a way of taking me out of my little box and stretching me in ways I NEVER thought I could be stretched. During and after my treatments I started paying attention to people that were going through similar things and the Lord started giving me a heart of compassion for them. I wanted to do something. He reminded me of the gifts and talents He had blessed me with and how I could use them. I have always been an artist and have painted for years, but the Lord took me down a road as I went through depression and took my paintings to a new level. With that He told me that i needed to put myself out there and sell my paintings to raise money for people who are going through treatment and have had to quit there jobs and are struggling financially. I am in the process of getting a non-profit operating license. I have had many generous people offer to put my paintings in offices and my website is under construction. Right now I have several paintings up in Dr. Lars Enevoldsen’s office, Get Fit, Chartreuse Muse and in October will be in Streaks salon. The Lord has blessed me with so much and has entrusted me to be a light for him. Now if any of you know me well you know that I hate putting myself out there. That is just a fear that I have had as long as I remember and believe me the Lord is working and working on me and stretching and stretching me more and more.! I keep saying No and then I realize ok Lord I need to surrender my fears and give in to what you really want for my life. A couple of months later I received a phone call from my dear friend Mike. As he began talking the first words out of his mouth were “ I hope your not mad at me”. I thought to myself OH NO what did he do???? He began telling me about a winery that he had researched called cleavage creek. The owner and founders wife had died of breast cancer and he felt he needed to do something about it. So he donates 10 percent of his gross sales to breast cancer research. With that each one of their varieties holds a picture of a breast cancer survivor and their story is on their website. I was chosen out of 100 finalist as 1 of the four girls to represent their winery. WOW Lord Really??? ME???? Thats what was going through my mind and immediately the Lord reminded me that it is not about me it is about giving Him glory through this.
As I look at my life where I am today I stand in awe of my God. In awe at how he works all things for good in those who love Him. I can sit back and put pieces together and never in my life would I have put myself where I am today. I am so excited as well as nervous (in a good way) to see how He will use my paintings and this wine bottle to glorify Him. I can’t wait to give out my first check to a person in need and more importantly to form those relationships with people who are struggling through something that I can relate to.
Thank you all who have supported me and prayed for me in all I have been through and all I am about to walk through. Please continue to pray as I venture out into the world to help others struggling with this yucky disease. Pray that the Lords hand guides me exactly where He needs me to be and that He gives me wisdom in what I need to say and do. Thank you my sweet husband for supporting me and encouraging me to keep going even when I get overwhelmed. As I step out it faith again and again I begin to realize that no matter where I am so is my Jesus walking with me hand in hand. Thank you Lord Jesus for pushing me out of my comfort zone again and again.
Blessings to all of you