Tuesday, June 29, 2010

6 Month Check

It has been one year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. WOW what can actually happen in one year boggles my mind. I normally think of a year as such a long time and now have come to realize it is but a blink of an eye. I reflect back all that my family friends and I have been through and am in awe at how the Lord put it all together. It started with the diagnosis then came the surgery, the treatment, losing my hair, last treatment ,hair growing back, depression, after treatment. All while being a wife, mother, daughter, friend and most important the Lords child and witness.
All I can say is WOW where did the time go????
We just returned from our family vacation in Hawaii where a year ago I had found my lump. I have to say this trip meant more to me than any other time. It was a time of relaxing and being with my family and cherishing every minute of it. I found myself at times reflecting back to last year and the chain of events that have occurred since then. I would let my mind wander into the details and just sit with them for a while. I have to say being on this side of cancer I enjoyed putting pieces together and was in awe how the Lord works. Realizing that His plan is so different than mine but thanking him for it. While we were there it became pretty comical because all of the workers thought that Jeff was remarried because of my short hair. They kept asking him if I was his wife. He would tell them yes and they would say "the mother of your children"? Long story short they heard about our year and my cancer and we all had a great laugh. We arrived home a couple of weeks ago. Reality always seems to hit right when you get home from a vacation. Your mind starts to wander and life and responsibility starts again. I looked at my schedule and realized that my UCSF appointment was coming. To bring you up to speed a bit, at my last appointment for my infusion Dr. Moasser wanted to give me a shot to put me into menopause. Because I didn't want any side effects on vacation I chose to wait until we got back. I also wanted to really pray about it. Just coming off of tamoxifen and being depressed from it scared me to death to even think about menopause at 35 years old.
Today Jeff and I headed to UCSF where we met with Dr. Moasser. The drive there I was pretty anxious only because I knew what I wanted out of this appointment and knew that I had really prayed about it but was nervous that Dr. Moasser would talk me out of it. Those Oncologists want to make sure they cross every T and dot every I. Which I appreciate so much BUT I feel like I have done what I need to do already. He came into the room, sat down and looked at me and said we are going to do the shots today right? I looked at him and said no I don't think I am. So he opened my charts and began to look at all of my tests. In the awkward quiet moment my sweet hub filled it with questions. (I love that man) So he asks the doctor what my reoccurrence percentage is with my mastectomy, chemo and Zometa infusion every six months for five years. The Dr. says, chemo is the biggie which was about 10%. Zometa infusion is medium about 4-5% and if you do the shots it will bring you down another 2%. In my mind I am thinking I am 35 and with all of the side effects of menopause it is not worth it to me. I don't want to live my life fighting all of the side effects that come with menopause. Just as all of this is running through my mind he looked at me and said OK. I thought to myself did he just say OK??? YYYYEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!! Thats what I said in my heart and mind. I asked him where I go from here? He said everything looks great. See me every six months for blood check and your zometa infusions and go on with your life. YYYYEEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!! Again.
I walked out of that hospital so extremely relieved and excited. I feel like besides having the rest of my reconstruction surgery and an infusion twice a year I am DONE!
WOW what a year this has been. I can look at it and really soak in myself but what I realize is none of this was about me. It was all about the Lord and growing me into who he wants me to be, and growing my family in a way they would have never been grown. I also have been able to meet some beautiful woman who have battled this or are battling this right now and am so extremely grateful for them and their journey's. The Lord has been able to use me in ways he would have never been able to had I not gone through this. I have been able to take my art and move to the next level and begin to sell it for woman who are going through treatment and are struggling financially. I could go on and on......
The Lord is amazing and as I end this I still go back to Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
I always end with a huge thank you to everyone that has been praying for me and all of the support you all have given me and my family. I wouldn't have gotten through it all with out you.... Please pray with me for the woman I have been talking with who are going through treatment, pray for their strength and wisdom to make the decisions I have had to make. Pray for my sweet friend Melanie (who I met in Funworks) She finished her treatment a couple of months ago and is regaining her strength and finishing school as she raises her four boys! I Thank the Lord for bringing these woman to me they truly have become very special, very quickly.
Thank you again for all of your support and prayers. Have a great summer

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