I remember a while ago my sweet friend Julie sat me down and interviewed me about joy. Now I don't know what she got out of me speaking but it really made me think about joy and if it defines me at all. While I was talking to her I didn't have time to think about it I just gave her the answers off the top of my head. I never really had thought about it I just figured joy is something you can only get from the Lord. Little did I know I would take a little interview some months ago and relate it to my life now.
In these last weeks I have gone from scrambling, to on my face before the Lord, to comforting my family and many more emotions that come with this thing called life. I have realized as I have been with the Lord day to day chatting with him, discussing my decisions that it is ONLY through him I will find joy. "The joy of the Lord is my strength".
These last 6 weeks have been a hectic, overwhelming and exciting side of life, but one I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. These last 3 weeks have gotten a little more hectic due to the surgery and the healing. This last week awaiting my oncotype results have been a struggle for me. I Know the Lord is in control and I KNOW there is a purpose for everything. Waiting is not one of my gifts. My mind starts to wander and I continually have to take all of my thoughts captive. I have been extremely grateful for how fast this whole journey has been so far, until now. This is what brings me to the word joy. Realizing that this world offers me nothing, it tells me I have breast cancer and now wait! The Lord gives me peace and tells me wait on ME my timing is perfect and through all of this I want you to be joyful. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Now faith is a gift I have. I know for a fact the Lord does all things to grow me not to harm me. Even if I have to do chemotherapy it is for His glory. Even if I have to have hormone therapy it is for His glory. Even if my arm is numb the rest of my life it is for His glory. Even if I test positive for this gene and have to have more surgery it is for His glory. On the other side of my thoughts are: Why do I even need to do any of these treatments? The side effects are worse than the actual surgery. The thought of hair loss, menopause at 35 years old and many more. Within this thought process there is a battle going on and I will continue to give it to my God who hasn't stepped foot away from me through this whole Journey. I just pray he keeps me joyful through this whole journey of life I live for His glory.
With all of that said i received a phone call today from the lab that is doing my oncotype test. UCSF just submitted the request late Friday. The lab then received it today Tuesday. The man on the phone began to tell me that he just received it and needed my OK to go ahead with the test. I told him yes I was on board with my doctor and wanted it done. He then told me that he would submit it and my doctor would get the results in 10-14 days. My UCSF appointment to go over these results is next Tuesday. So I am waiting to hear from them to reschedule my appointment with my oncologist and with the genetic counselor. This will push back my gene test as well.
Please pray that my mind stays focused on the Lords plan and will for my life and not mine. Pray that I stay joyful through this journey as that is my hearts desire. Pray that the Lord will guard me from the spiritual battle that I can physically and mentally feel going on right now.
I can't imagine going through this Journey alone and without the support I have had from my family, friends and people I don't even know. Most of all having Jesus to hold me through this every step of the way even when I get off track. Thank you Lord Jesus.
Love to you all