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Sundays have become a day of getting things done and getting ready for my week. As I love to be organized today seemed a little different.
You see Friday I was on the phone with my UCSF doctor and what I thought was going to be a conversation about the 6 month chemotherapy and no hair loss ended up exactly what I didn't want hear. The doctor told me he thought I misunderstood what he said about my treatment. He said he thinks I was in a little shock when he gave me the results of my oncotype test. That was an understatement! He began to tell me that we are very blessed to have the oncotype test because that test reveals to us what the chances of recurrence are. That I understood. He continued to tell me that because my score was 36 out of 50 I should be doing everything possible to prevent cancer from coming back. I still didn't understand what this has to do with my hair! He told me that every single percentage can mean life or death and recommended that I rethink my decision. He told me "you are a young mother of 3 small children and if I were you I would do everything possible to make sure you did what you could to stay around for them"! WOW again I was in shock.... I couldn't even grasp my breath on the phone but through it all I loudly told him OK OK I will do the 3 month chemo because my family means way more than my hair. I could tell he was very passionate about all of this while talking to him and when I finally gave him the OK I could hear relief in his voice. I got off the phone with him and just wept! What will I do without my hair? How will my kids handle this? Will they be embarrassed of me? Will they be teased because their mommy looks different than every other mommy? I sat there before the Lord weeping I asked him Lord is this about my hair? Is this about pride because I don't want to be bald? Why is this harder than being diagnosed with breast cancer? Will I be able to workout? Will I be sick all the time? All the questions I had for the Lord to get this answer... My sweet child Heather I formed you in your mothers womb, I have great plans for you as you battle this disease. You are my child I will be with you every step of the way and even one step further I will walk each one of your children through this, I will be by their side every step of the way. I will walk your husband through this, I will teach him how to care for you.
This brings me to today Sunday a day I received from my Lord. I had uninterrupted time with him studying the truth from his word. I was able to think back on the last couple of days and realize that hair means nothing. I was able to go over in my mind Jeff and I sitting down our kiddos once again to explain something new and different. As we told our kiddos Halle (6 yrs old) kept saying BUT mommy is doing the 6 month one the one that she won't lose her hair. After she realized that wasn't the plan, that the plan had change she ran to my room and wept, just as I had the day before. I was able to go in and hold her as we both wept in each others arms. Her concern was that chemo and baldness equals death. I also realized that I never would have experienced this with Halle had I not been going through this. The time of bonding, crying together holding one another as if there was no tomorrow. This was way worth losing my hair. As I reflected on my week and my bible study of John I realized again this is not about me! This is about My God, My Jesus, My Abba Father and I am a tool for Him to use for His glory! I know I have said this over and over but I believe the Lord has to remind me of this every day!
Today I was able to sit down and paint a canvas to which I love to do but never have the time to do it. As I looked at it and reflected what I was feeling as I painted it ( I always thought it was silly when artist say what they are feeling when they paint) I thought of the many colors that were present along with the dark spots around it. In the middle was a bunch of white. I felt like the chapters of my life story were reflected in this painting with the colors being the life, the dark areas being the dark spots in my life and the white circling all around all of those areas reflecting Jesus. He is with me always and He never leaves me. Thank you Lord Jesus for the time today to paint, it was a treasure.
As all of this has raced in and out of my mind I have not been able to get Amiee out of my head. I have never met her in fact I just found out about her just this week. She is a women much like me battling breast cancer with small children and a husband. But in her case she is trying to raise money for her treatment! I have been praying for her and her family and have been racking my brain trying to think of a way I can help her. I thought aside from financially helping her I would pass her information on to you so you can pray and help her as well. Her website is youcanhelpmymom.com.
Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers and encouraging words. I know the Lord has a plan and a purpose for me and my family and just because I am losing my hair doesn't mean my battle ends here. I will keep you posted on my treatment start date. Please be praying for my kiddos as they go through this with me and for my sweet hub and I as we will need wisdom in how to deal with them as well.
I couldn't imagine going through this without the Lord! Thank you Lord Jesus for choosing me!
Love
Heather
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My Journey Through Treatment
Thank you all for praying for me these last few weeks of this crazy journey! I appreciate so much all of your words of encouragement and your support.
I have to start by saying The Lord is good ALL the time and ALL the time the Lord is good. These last 3 weeks of my journey have been very hard for me. The Lord has been very patient with me as he is teaching me to be patient! A lot of unanswered questions about treatment have been running circles in my mind. I have had to continually give them over to the Lord because it seems too great to handle and the Lord hadn't given it to me to deal with quite yet. Until today!
Jeff and I spent the day together in San Francisco awaiting our appointments at UCSF. It was a sweet and fun time together as I always enjoy precious time with my sweet hub. My first appointment was with Beth who is our genetic counselor. We went over a lot of information about my family history and whether or not I qualified for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene test. After a lot of talking she thought it would be a great idea that I participate in this testing and that it would help me see if it is necessary that I have my ovaries removed. This test is also good for future use with family members if I do in fact test positive. I took the test today and will find out those results in 3 weeks. After leaving that room I entered into the exam room of my oncologist Dr. Moasser. I am sitting on the exam table in my beautiful fashion gown ( why they put me in it anymore I will never know because they never even exam me) and Jeff is making me giggle as usual. Very relaxed atmosphere and lots of laughter. Knock knock in walks Dr. Moasser. He says "How are you? O.k. let's get down to business about your oncotype test". I'm thinking to myself lets laugh and giggle some more. He opens my chart and I am hanging on his every move and every word. He begins to tell me that they measure this test in points from 1 - 50. My result came back at 36. Before I could say a word he says to me " that number is way to high way to high you need to have chemo." I said are you sure? Now this guy has gone through numerous years of medical schooling and extensive research. He looked at me like I was out of my mind and said yes there is no question about it! In my mind I am thinking "Lord I prayed specifically and believing I wouldn't have to go through it" and He brought to my mind the time I spent with Him this last week. I have been praying that His will be done with me and not mine. I gave Him my life and circumstances to do whatever He needs to do. I have been praying that I will be OK with whatever He calls me to do. I have been praying that I would get a very clear answer! He gave me the scripture John 2:5b "Whatever He says to you do it"!!!! As my mind came back into focus about what Dr. Moasser had just said to me I started to ask questions about the types of chemo there are now and side effects. He told me I have 2 options. The first is to do 4 treatments every 3 weeks for 3 months. With that I will lose all of my hair. The second option is to do 8 treatments every 3 weeks for 6 months. This treatment is only a 2 percent chance of hair loss and a 10 percent chance of hair thinning. As vain as I can be I chose to do the 6 month process so that I wouldn't lose my hair. All of this chemo is a preventative treatment so that my cancer doesn't come back. Because my oncotype dx test coming back so high there is a 24 percent chance that the cancer WILL return in another area that could be untreatable. By doing chemo it drops down to about 15 percent. We decided that UCSF would prescribe the treatments and that I would do them here in town because I will be sick the first couple of days after each dose. Dr. Moasser walked out of the room and I looked at Jeff and just wept! He wrapped his arms around me as he always does and held me until I was done. We got to the elevator and he began to tell me God is in control and we will get through this. This time its him telling me instead of me reassuring him I am going to live. Its amazing how you can reverse roles in trying times. I told him I know the Lord will be with me, I know the Lord will protect me, I know the Lord does all things for good, I know the Lord loves me and is not out to harm me. I know all of these things, but it still stinks to know that for the next 6 months my immune system will be down and if my children are sick I can't console them or if they want to run around and be silly I might be nauseous! All of those things go through my mind. BUT...... I do know that the Lord will protect me and my family through this, He will choose to use this for His glory, He will be with me always and forever. He knows what I am going through.
We were able to sit our kiddos down tonight when we got home and tell them what mommy had to do! You would be amazed at the relief they had when they heard I didn't have to lose my hair. Its amazing how we equate a bald chemo head to death! Even though that isn't true, in a 6 and 8 year old brain that's what they think. They took it very well and prayed that mommy will do well during treatment!
What I thought was going to be a very light hearted day turned into a very exhausting day. I just keep reminding myself of Job and how satan continued to tell the Lord (in my short words) "He won't be able to handle this one he will deny you" and Job continued to fight for the Lord. That is who I want to be! No matter what the circumstance I WILL continue to fight for the Lord to show His word is truth and He will continue to be faithful! I have learned a lot in the last 5 1/2 weeks about myself and about the Lord. I have learned that my plan is not always the best but the Lord continues to teach me that His plan IS always the best and He works all things for good and for the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have learned that by grace I am saved and by grace I walk each and every day one step at a time. I have learned to be obedient to His calling. I have learned to be completely honest with myself, my husband and most of all my children. This has allowed them to see the Glory of God and how He works and answers prayers even if it is not what we expected.
I thought I was going to go to this appointment and talk Dr. Moasser out of hormone therapy and not even have to think about chemotherapy. I had it all figured out in my mind. But the Lord had a different path for me to take. I don't know why and I may never know but I know that I will stay obedient to Him and His plan for me and I will fight for Him so that His glory will be revealed to many through this. I will keep you posted as I get the other test results back and get the start date for the chemo.
I love you all and thank you so much for all of your support whether I have known you my whole life or if I have just met you by you reading this blog.
Blessings to you
Love
Heather
I have to start by saying The Lord is good ALL the time and ALL the time the Lord is good. These last 3 weeks of my journey have been very hard for me. The Lord has been very patient with me as he is teaching me to be patient! A lot of unanswered questions about treatment have been running circles in my mind. I have had to continually give them over to the Lord because it seems too great to handle and the Lord hadn't given it to me to deal with quite yet. Until today!
Jeff and I spent the day together in San Francisco awaiting our appointments at UCSF. It was a sweet and fun time together as I always enjoy precious time with my sweet hub. My first appointment was with Beth who is our genetic counselor. We went over a lot of information about my family history and whether or not I qualified for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene test. After a lot of talking she thought it would be a great idea that I participate in this testing and that it would help me see if it is necessary that I have my ovaries removed. This test is also good for future use with family members if I do in fact test positive. I took the test today and will find out those results in 3 weeks. After leaving that room I entered into the exam room of my oncologist Dr. Moasser. I am sitting on the exam table in my beautiful fashion gown ( why they put me in it anymore I will never know because they never even exam me) and Jeff is making me giggle as usual. Very relaxed atmosphere and lots of laughter. Knock knock in walks Dr. Moasser. He says "How are you? O.k. let's get down to business about your oncotype test". I'm thinking to myself lets laugh and giggle some more. He opens my chart and I am hanging on his every move and every word. He begins to tell me that they measure this test in points from 1 - 50. My result came back at 36. Before I could say a word he says to me " that number is way to high way to high you need to have chemo." I said are you sure? Now this guy has gone through numerous years of medical schooling and extensive research. He looked at me like I was out of my mind and said yes there is no question about it! In my mind I am thinking "Lord I prayed specifically and believing I wouldn't have to go through it" and He brought to my mind the time I spent with Him this last week. I have been praying that His will be done with me and not mine. I gave Him my life and circumstances to do whatever He needs to do. I have been praying that I will be OK with whatever He calls me to do. I have been praying that I would get a very clear answer! He gave me the scripture John 2:5b "Whatever He says to you do it"!!!! As my mind came back into focus about what Dr. Moasser had just said to me I started to ask questions about the types of chemo there are now and side effects. He told me I have 2 options. The first is to do 4 treatments every 3 weeks for 3 months. With that I will lose all of my hair. The second option is to do 8 treatments every 3 weeks for 6 months. This treatment is only a 2 percent chance of hair loss and a 10 percent chance of hair thinning. As vain as I can be I chose to do the 6 month process so that I wouldn't lose my hair. All of this chemo is a preventative treatment so that my cancer doesn't come back. Because my oncotype dx test coming back so high there is a 24 percent chance that the cancer WILL return in another area that could be untreatable. By doing chemo it drops down to about 15 percent. We decided that UCSF would prescribe the treatments and that I would do them here in town because I will be sick the first couple of days after each dose. Dr. Moasser walked out of the room and I looked at Jeff and just wept! He wrapped his arms around me as he always does and held me until I was done. We got to the elevator and he began to tell me God is in control and we will get through this. This time its him telling me instead of me reassuring him I am going to live. Its amazing how you can reverse roles in trying times. I told him I know the Lord will be with me, I know the Lord will protect me, I know the Lord does all things for good, I know the Lord loves me and is not out to harm me. I know all of these things, but it still stinks to know that for the next 6 months my immune system will be down and if my children are sick I can't console them or if they want to run around and be silly I might be nauseous! All of those things go through my mind. BUT...... I do know that the Lord will protect me and my family through this, He will choose to use this for His glory, He will be with me always and forever. He knows what I am going through.
We were able to sit our kiddos down tonight when we got home and tell them what mommy had to do! You would be amazed at the relief they had when they heard I didn't have to lose my hair. Its amazing how we equate a bald chemo head to death! Even though that isn't true, in a 6 and 8 year old brain that's what they think. They took it very well and prayed that mommy will do well during treatment!
What I thought was going to be a very light hearted day turned into a very exhausting day. I just keep reminding myself of Job and how satan continued to tell the Lord (in my short words) "He won't be able to handle this one he will deny you" and Job continued to fight for the Lord. That is who I want to be! No matter what the circumstance I WILL continue to fight for the Lord to show His word is truth and He will continue to be faithful! I have learned a lot in the last 5 1/2 weeks about myself and about the Lord. I have learned that my plan is not always the best but the Lord continues to teach me that His plan IS always the best and He works all things for good and for the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have learned that by grace I am saved and by grace I walk each and every day one step at a time. I have learned to be obedient to His calling. I have learned to be completely honest with myself, my husband and most of all my children. This has allowed them to see the Glory of God and how He works and answers prayers even if it is not what we expected.
I thought I was going to go to this appointment and talk Dr. Moasser out of hormone therapy and not even have to think about chemotherapy. I had it all figured out in my mind. But the Lord had a different path for me to take. I don't know why and I may never know but I know that I will stay obedient to Him and His plan for me and I will fight for Him so that His glory will be revealed to many through this. I will keep you posted as I get the other test results back and get the start date for the chemo.
I love you all and thank you so much for all of your support whether I have known you my whole life or if I have just met you by you reading this blog.
Blessings to you
Love
Heather
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Waiting
I remember a while ago my sweet friend Julie sat me down and interviewed me about joy. Now I don't know what she got out of me speaking but it really made me think about joy and if it defines me at all. While I was talking to her I didn't have time to think about it I just gave her the answers off the top of my head. I never really had thought about it I just figured joy is something you can only get from the Lord. Little did I know I would take a little interview some months ago and relate it to my life now.
In these last weeks I have gone from scrambling, to on my face before the Lord, to comforting my family and many more emotions that come with this thing called life. I have realized as I have been with the Lord day to day chatting with him, discussing my decisions that it is ONLY through him I will find joy. "The joy of the Lord is my strength".
These last 6 weeks have been a hectic, overwhelming and exciting side of life, but one I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. These last 3 weeks have gotten a little more hectic due to the surgery and the healing. This last week awaiting my oncotype results have been a struggle for me. I Know the Lord is in control and I KNOW there is a purpose for everything. Waiting is not one of my gifts. My mind starts to wander and I continually have to take all of my thoughts captive. I have been extremely grateful for how fast this whole journey has been so far, until now. This is what brings me to the word joy. Realizing that this world offers me nothing, it tells me I have breast cancer and now wait! The Lord gives me peace and tells me wait on ME my timing is perfect and through all of this I want you to be joyful. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Now faith is a gift I have. I know for a fact the Lord does all things to grow me not to harm me. Even if I have to do chemotherapy it is for His glory. Even if I have to have hormone therapy it is for His glory. Even if my arm is numb the rest of my life it is for His glory. Even if I test positive for this gene and have to have more surgery it is for His glory. On the other side of my thoughts are: Why do I even need to do any of these treatments? The side effects are worse than the actual surgery. The thought of hair loss, menopause at 35 years old and many more. Within this thought process there is a battle going on and I will continue to give it to my God who hasn't stepped foot away from me through this whole Journey. I just pray he keeps me joyful through this whole journey of life I live for His glory.
With all of that said i received a phone call today from the lab that is doing my oncotype test. UCSF just submitted the request late Friday. The lab then received it today Tuesday. The man on the phone began to tell me that he just received it and needed my OK to go ahead with the test. I told him yes I was on board with my doctor and wanted it done. He then told me that he would submit it and my doctor would get the results in 10-14 days. My UCSF appointment to go over these results is next Tuesday. So I am waiting to hear from them to reschedule my appointment with my oncologist and with the genetic counselor. This will push back my gene test as well.
Please pray that my mind stays focused on the Lords plan and will for my life and not mine. Pray that I stay joyful through this journey as that is my hearts desire. Pray that the Lord will guard me from the spiritual battle that I can physically and mentally feel going on right now.
I can't imagine going through this Journey alone and without the support I have had from my family, friends and people I don't even know. Most of all having Jesus to hold me through this every step of the way even when I get off track. Thank you Lord Jesus.
Love to you all
Heather
In these last weeks I have gone from scrambling, to on my face before the Lord, to comforting my family and many more emotions that come with this thing called life. I have realized as I have been with the Lord day to day chatting with him, discussing my decisions that it is ONLY through him I will find joy. "The joy of the Lord is my strength".
These last 6 weeks have been a hectic, overwhelming and exciting side of life, but one I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. These last 3 weeks have gotten a little more hectic due to the surgery and the healing. This last week awaiting my oncotype results have been a struggle for me. I Know the Lord is in control and I KNOW there is a purpose for everything. Waiting is not one of my gifts. My mind starts to wander and I continually have to take all of my thoughts captive. I have been extremely grateful for how fast this whole journey has been so far, until now. This is what brings me to the word joy. Realizing that this world offers me nothing, it tells me I have breast cancer and now wait! The Lord gives me peace and tells me wait on ME my timing is perfect and through all of this I want you to be joyful. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Now faith is a gift I have. I know for a fact the Lord does all things to grow me not to harm me. Even if I have to do chemotherapy it is for His glory. Even if I have to have hormone therapy it is for His glory. Even if my arm is numb the rest of my life it is for His glory. Even if I test positive for this gene and have to have more surgery it is for His glory. On the other side of my thoughts are: Why do I even need to do any of these treatments? The side effects are worse than the actual surgery. The thought of hair loss, menopause at 35 years old and many more. Within this thought process there is a battle going on and I will continue to give it to my God who hasn't stepped foot away from me through this whole Journey. I just pray he keeps me joyful through this whole journey of life I live for His glory.
With all of that said i received a phone call today from the lab that is doing my oncotype test. UCSF just submitted the request late Friday. The lab then received it today Tuesday. The man on the phone began to tell me that he just received it and needed my OK to go ahead with the test. I told him yes I was on board with my doctor and wanted it done. He then told me that he would submit it and my doctor would get the results in 10-14 days. My UCSF appointment to go over these results is next Tuesday. So I am waiting to hear from them to reschedule my appointment with my oncologist and with the genetic counselor. This will push back my gene test as well.
Please pray that my mind stays focused on the Lords plan and will for my life and not mine. Pray that I stay joyful through this journey as that is my hearts desire. Pray that the Lord will guard me from the spiritual battle that I can physically and mentally feel going on right now.
I can't imagine going through this Journey alone and without the support I have had from my family, friends and people I don't even know. Most of all having Jesus to hold me through this every step of the way even when I get off track. Thank you Lord Jesus.
Love to you all
Heather
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Journey to UCSF
First of all thank you all for praying for my family and I through this whole journey of mine and for your encouraging words through this.
Where to start? What a week this has been for me. I have been up, down, trusting, anxious,happy and discouraged. BUT.... The Lord has carried me through all of it praise Jesus!
This weekend I found a very hard and large area on my left side that became very painful and unusual. I called Dr. Enevoldsen (plastic surgeon that has done my reconstruction) about it and long story short he saw me Monday afternoon. He ended up suctioning fluid out to check if it was an infection. He stuck a needle in and saw it was not infected but wanted to reopen my drain hole to let it continue to drain out. So he numbed my side and began to cut out the scab and waaalaaa fluid came out. Thank God it was not infected. He then had to check other things and lets just say my pain tolerance has gone down since this whole thing has started and I have been in excruciating pain for the last 24 hours.
This afternoon Jeff and i were able to meet with an oncologist at UCSF Medical Center in breast care. He began to tell us that because I tested er positive on my pathology report I will have to have hormone therapy for 5 years. With this can come some side effects, one being early menopause ( that's what a 34 year old wants to hear is I will start hot flashes early hahaha). He has ordered a test called Oncotype DX to be done on the tissue that was removed during surgery and that test will determine if i need to have chemo or not. If I test high or medium I will but if I test low hormone therapy is all i need. I am so grateful for the resources the Lord has laid in front of us during this journey. After we talked about treatment he told me he would like us to talk to a genetic counselor because of being diagnosed with breast cancer and melanoma by the age of 34. The counselor came right in after he left and we began to discuss what this gene is. It links breast cancer, melanoma, ovarian, prostate and one other cancer. If you carry this gene you are susceptible to one or all of these. I will take this test in 2 weeks. If my results come back that I carry this gene then one of my options would be to have my ovaries removed (more yummolicious dinners from you guys YEAH) I'm kidding, as much as I love your cooking I would do without surgery!!! One of the resources the Lord laid before us was a lady named Erin who came to our appointment with us and audio recorded and took notes on the entire appointment. I am so thankful for that because you hear a lot of blah blah blah.
Jeff and I had a great day in the city and were able to relax and enjoy each other. Thank you so much for praying for today I felt the Lords presence with us and i feel many prayers were answered just in the testing. Some of these test are not approved by insurance but the type we have will approve it! Thank you Lord Jesus. Again His timing is perfect and i continue to pray His will be done for me. Please pray that my oncotype test comes back low so no chemo and I don't test positive for the gene test.
Thank you all so much! The Lord is good and I know his plan is perfect.
Where to start? What a week this has been for me. I have been up, down, trusting, anxious,happy and discouraged. BUT.... The Lord has carried me through all of it praise Jesus!
This weekend I found a very hard and large area on my left side that became very painful and unusual. I called Dr. Enevoldsen (plastic surgeon that has done my reconstruction) about it and long story short he saw me Monday afternoon. He ended up suctioning fluid out to check if it was an infection. He stuck a needle in and saw it was not infected but wanted to reopen my drain hole to let it continue to drain out. So he numbed my side and began to cut out the scab and waaalaaa fluid came out. Thank God it was not infected. He then had to check other things and lets just say my pain tolerance has gone down since this whole thing has started and I have been in excruciating pain for the last 24 hours.
This afternoon Jeff and i were able to meet with an oncologist at UCSF Medical Center in breast care. He began to tell us that because I tested er positive on my pathology report I will have to have hormone therapy for 5 years. With this can come some side effects, one being early menopause ( that's what a 34 year old wants to hear is I will start hot flashes early hahaha). He has ordered a test called Oncotype DX to be done on the tissue that was removed during surgery and that test will determine if i need to have chemo or not. If I test high or medium I will but if I test low hormone therapy is all i need. I am so grateful for the resources the Lord has laid in front of us during this journey. After we talked about treatment he told me he would like us to talk to a genetic counselor because of being diagnosed with breast cancer and melanoma by the age of 34. The counselor came right in after he left and we began to discuss what this gene is. It links breast cancer, melanoma, ovarian, prostate and one other cancer. If you carry this gene you are susceptible to one or all of these. I will take this test in 2 weeks. If my results come back that I carry this gene then one of my options would be to have my ovaries removed (more yummolicious dinners from you guys YEAH) I'm kidding, as much as I love your cooking I would do without surgery!!! One of the resources the Lord laid before us was a lady named Erin who came to our appointment with us and audio recorded and took notes on the entire appointment. I am so thankful for that because you hear a lot of blah blah blah.
Jeff and I had a great day in the city and were able to relax and enjoy each other. Thank you so much for praying for today I felt the Lords presence with us and i feel many prayers were answered just in the testing. Some of these test are not approved by insurance but the type we have will approve it! Thank you Lord Jesus. Again His timing is perfect and i continue to pray His will be done for me. Please pray that my oncotype test comes back low so no chemo and I don't test positive for the gene test.
Thank you all so much! The Lord is good and I know his plan is perfect.
Monday, August 24, 2009
My Testimony Through My Journey given at Big Valley Grace Community Church
My name is Heather Sutton and standing next to me is my sweet hubby Jeff. We have three little girls Madison 8, Halle 6 and London 4. On Thursday July 23rd Jeff and I sat in a doctor’s office and heard words no one wants to hear. “You have breast cancer”. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jeff’s head drop into his chest. I sat across from the doctor trying to hold it together long enough to hear the words she is saying as tears are streaming down my face. I was trying desperately to understand the words she was using but all my ears heard were cancer, oncologist, and mastectomy. I looked at Jeff and told him it was going to be ok we will pull through this together. As the day went on The Lord gave me peace about everything. Now my job was to pray for Jeff and the girls that they would feel this peace too. Later that night we sat our girls down and told them that their mommy had breast cancer. I told them the words they might being hearing over time and what they mean. They cried and were scared of the word cancer because to them that meant death. There were a lot of tears that night and a sweet time of prayer and in the end we were all able to fall sound sleep.
The next morning I woke up refreshed, it was a new day a day the Lord has made for ME. I decided that if I was going to go through a “trial” it was going to become “my journey” and I would do it glorifying the Lord. I decided I didn’t want to waste it and I was going to be His witness.
Our next step was to have an MRI and a mammogram to see what we were dealing with. After my test I was to wait a week for results. I received a call the very next day telling me the Dr. wanted to see me sooner. I dropped to my knees and cried out to the Lord “whatever it is let us know so we can deal with it”. My husband panicked and tried to get us in that day but our doctor couldn’t see us, so the waiting began. Jeff looked discouraged. He was in tears and an absolute mess. I took him to our room and we got on our faces before the Lord in the most precious time of prayer. The Lord gives peace when asked for it and He did.
The next day we found out fortunately I had only one lump but unfortunately I have a lot of calcifications. The cancer is called infiltration or invasive ductile and means I have only one option, a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. They will also take lymph nodes and have them tested as well. I met with two doctors that day and got what some people might call bad news. But I can stand in front of you today and tell you I was excited. I believe the Lord has a plan for me and his timing is perfect.
Rick came to me and quoted James 5:14 “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord”. So on August 8th my family, friends, pastors and elders gathered in the Altar room and anointed Jeff and I with oil. The Lords presence was amazing that night. I have never felt so in awe of my God. People prayed over me the most beautiful, powerful and most important believing prayers. I sat with the most precious people in my life as they prayed and wept. I felt honored.
On Aug 13th we pulled in the Surgery Center at 6 am for my bilateral mastectomy. Our sweet friends Ben, Gretchen and Rick were waiting for us. Rick called us outside to pray. The power of prayer is amazing; you can never pray enough! I gave everyone hugs and went to change into the beautiful fashion gown they gave me. Right before I went into the O.R. satan thought he would try one last time to discourage me. I went into a massive panic attack. What I remember, as everything was closing in on me and they were wheeling me into O.R. was my sweet hubby praying out loud over me! The Lord overpowered satan that day. Prayer works. I had people praying for very specific things and I can stand here and tell you everything has a check mark! The Lord is in the details, every little detail.
On Thursday Aug 20th Jeff and I entered the doctor’s office once again for results. The Doctor began to tell me that I have infiltration or invasive ductile stage 1 and it is NOT in my lymph nodes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jeff’s head drop to his chest and tears of joy stream down his face. She began to tell us that I would see an oncologist at UCSF and that doctor would determine what treatment from here. All my ears heard were my great Physician healed me! That afternoon we were able to sit our girls down and tell them God had answered our prayers and he healed mommy of breast cancer.
It has been 10 days since I have been home and out of surgery and 5 weeks since I heard those awful words “you have breast cancer”. The physical pain has been great at times and still is, but the spiritual growth has been amazing. I can stand in front of you today KNOWING that prayer played HUGE part in my journey. Knowing Jesus intimately played a huge part in my journey.
Now listen to me carefully. I have a huge resource and that is the Lord and the power of prayer. I can tell you many details about my journey and tell you when and how the Lord answered them. Maybe not the way I wanted but realizing the importance of each one. If you or a loved one are facing cancer or are right in the middle of treatment, whatever it is, give it to Jesus. You have 2 options. The first is NOT giving it Him and doing it on your own and two is, give it to him and let him work out the details. I chose option two and I have felt His presence and peace throughout. Now the physical pain has been painful but nothing compared to the pain Jesus suffered for me on the cross. The spiritual growth far outweighs any pain I could ever go through and It is an honor to do this for HIM. Don’t waste your opportunity. Isn’t that what we are here for on this earth is to take up His cross for Him?
The next morning I woke up refreshed, it was a new day a day the Lord has made for ME. I decided that if I was going to go through a “trial” it was going to become “my journey” and I would do it glorifying the Lord. I decided I didn’t want to waste it and I was going to be His witness.
Our next step was to have an MRI and a mammogram to see what we were dealing with. After my test I was to wait a week for results. I received a call the very next day telling me the Dr. wanted to see me sooner. I dropped to my knees and cried out to the Lord “whatever it is let us know so we can deal with it”. My husband panicked and tried to get us in that day but our doctor couldn’t see us, so the waiting began. Jeff looked discouraged. He was in tears and an absolute mess. I took him to our room and we got on our faces before the Lord in the most precious time of prayer. The Lord gives peace when asked for it and He did.
The next day we found out fortunately I had only one lump but unfortunately I have a lot of calcifications. The cancer is called infiltration or invasive ductile and means I have only one option, a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. They will also take lymph nodes and have them tested as well. I met with two doctors that day and got what some people might call bad news. But I can stand in front of you today and tell you I was excited. I believe the Lord has a plan for me and his timing is perfect.
Rick came to me and quoted James 5:14 “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord”. So on August 8th my family, friends, pastors and elders gathered in the Altar room and anointed Jeff and I with oil. The Lords presence was amazing that night. I have never felt so in awe of my God. People prayed over me the most beautiful, powerful and most important believing prayers. I sat with the most precious people in my life as they prayed and wept. I felt honored.
On Aug 13th we pulled in the Surgery Center at 6 am for my bilateral mastectomy. Our sweet friends Ben, Gretchen and Rick were waiting for us. Rick called us outside to pray. The power of prayer is amazing; you can never pray enough! I gave everyone hugs and went to change into the beautiful fashion gown they gave me. Right before I went into the O.R. satan thought he would try one last time to discourage me. I went into a massive panic attack. What I remember, as everything was closing in on me and they were wheeling me into O.R. was my sweet hubby praying out loud over me! The Lord overpowered satan that day. Prayer works. I had people praying for very specific things and I can stand here and tell you everything has a check mark! The Lord is in the details, every little detail.
On Thursday Aug 20th Jeff and I entered the doctor’s office once again for results. The Doctor began to tell me that I have infiltration or invasive ductile stage 1 and it is NOT in my lymph nodes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jeff’s head drop to his chest and tears of joy stream down his face. She began to tell us that I would see an oncologist at UCSF and that doctor would determine what treatment from here. All my ears heard were my great Physician healed me! That afternoon we were able to sit our girls down and tell them God had answered our prayers and he healed mommy of breast cancer.
It has been 10 days since I have been home and out of surgery and 5 weeks since I heard those awful words “you have breast cancer”. The physical pain has been great at times and still is, but the spiritual growth has been amazing. I can stand in front of you today KNOWING that prayer played HUGE part in my journey. Knowing Jesus intimately played a huge part in my journey.
Now listen to me carefully. I have a huge resource and that is the Lord and the power of prayer. I can tell you many details about my journey and tell you when and how the Lord answered them. Maybe not the way I wanted but realizing the importance of each one. If you or a loved one are facing cancer or are right in the middle of treatment, whatever it is, give it to Jesus. You have 2 options. The first is NOT giving it Him and doing it on your own and two is, give it to him and let him work out the details. I chose option two and I have felt His presence and peace throughout. Now the physical pain has been painful but nothing compared to the pain Jesus suffered for me on the cross. The spiritual growth far outweighs any pain I could ever go through and It is an honor to do this for HIM. Don’t waste your opportunity. Isn’t that what we are here for on this earth is to take up His cross for Him?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
My results of My Surgery
WOW WOW WOW All I can do right now is Praise Jesus and his Faithfulness!! His Love endures FOREVER....
Thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragement, scripture, gifts and everything else that has occurred in this last 5 weeks.
I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALONG TIME TO WRITE THIS EMAIL!!! Only because I knew with all of my heart that this is what I would be writing. But...... I am going to start from the beginning so you will have to wait for results til the end.
This week has been a very trying week. By me saying trying I have been in a lot "Physical Pain" this week as my surgery was 7 days ago today. For those of you just reading, last Thursday I had a bilateral Mastectomy and reconstructive Surgery on both breasts.
I was able to come home last Friday and have been well taken care of. I have had someone bring dinner every night for my family and I, my girls have been able to stay extremely busy and my sweet sweet hub has been taking very good care of me as well as the girls. I have continued to have an unbelievable peace that can only come from the Lord and have continued to pray for the physical pain as time has gone on. Now my sweet hub has continued to show me he is peaceful but still a little anxious as results were approaching.
Today at 11:30 Jeff picked me up to head to the Doctors office as we awaited my results. As we pulled into the parking lot I could tell Jeff wasn't doing well but was going to act as if he was. We parked the car and I grabbed his hand and just prayed! Prayed that the Lord would give peace no matter what the doctor was going to tell us. We walked o the waiting room and of the the room we went to meet with Dr. Eve. She came in and asked how my pain was and how I was feeling. I told her I was still in a lot of pain and she reassured me that it was normal as I have had THE most invasive surgery you could ever have on your breasts. She then told me " I will try and get rid of your pain by giving you the results of your pathology" As we are on the edge of our seats awaiting what she will say next. She began to tell us that there is one test that has not returned from the pathologist( it comes back tomorrow) but all of the other tests came back that my cancer is at stage 1 (meaning we caught it so early) and that it is NOT in my lymph nodes that all cancer was removed at the time of the surgery!! She kept speaking and again I heard NO CANCER blah blah blah. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jeff's head drop to his chest. I look over at him and he is balling like a baby! Which made me ball like a baby. The doctor then looked at an intern that was in the room and said "This has been a very emotional 5 weeks for all of us". AMEN! This test that we are waiting for is a "double make sure we are positive" kind of test. She began to tell us we will still need to go to UCSF and see an oncologist and that they would decide what treatment I will need from here. There is a test they will give me to determine the chance of it ever coming back and this will determine the treatment whether it is pills or chemo. Sh removed one drain and OUCH!!!! ( 2 more to go tomorrow).
After this appointment was over I couldn't wait to get to the car and Praise my Lord Jesus Christ with my ever so sweet hubby Jeff. We walked out of the door and Jeff bawled so hard and I can't quite hug yet and that was so hard. We got to the car and I grabbed Jeff's hand and just started praying. Thank you Lord Jesus for our faithfulness. Thank you that you have prepared our path ahead of us, Thank you that you never left our side. Lord Jesus thank you for your peace that surpasses all understanding, Thank you that you have chosen me for this! I went on and on. I couldn't stop, how could i stop praising His name after all He sweet Jesus has done for me! We had to run a couple errands after that and my poor hubby could not hold it together. i wanted to just walk up to complete strangers and say " Did you know that my Lord Jesus just healed me of breast cancer" but I guess that isn't something you just do but I wanted to so bad. We came home and my 3 sweet little kiddos were sitting here and we sat them down and this time told them "girls, Our God healed mommy of breast cancer" because of prayer He healed me! My girls had huge smiles on there faces and I tried as best I could to hug them as tight as I could. You could see the relief in their little hearts. What a Day a day the Lord made for ME AGAIN! Praise Jesus.
SOOOO What can you pray for now....
PRAISE JESUS for what he has done... Really worship Him and praise His holy name with me.
Pray the last test comes back fine ( I am certain it will but still pray he deserves it)
Pray for healing as I am still laid up in physical pain and my hubby is still taking care of a lot
Pray that my oncologist appointment on September 1st goes well and my treatment would be the least ( pills over chemo)
Pray my other 2 drains come out tomorrow!
Pray for me writing and giving my testimony this weekend. Pray the Lord will be able to touch people through my words and people would come to know Him through this!
Thank you so much for everything I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for each and everyone of you!
To my sweet hub thank you for loving me and taking care of me the way you have.
I love all of you
Heather
Thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragement, scripture, gifts and everything else that has occurred in this last 5 weeks.
I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALONG TIME TO WRITE THIS EMAIL!!! Only because I knew with all of my heart that this is what I would be writing. But...... I am going to start from the beginning so you will have to wait for results til the end.
This week has been a very trying week. By me saying trying I have been in a lot "Physical Pain" this week as my surgery was 7 days ago today. For those of you just reading, last Thursday I had a bilateral Mastectomy and reconstructive Surgery on both breasts.
I was able to come home last Friday and have been well taken care of. I have had someone bring dinner every night for my family and I, my girls have been able to stay extremely busy and my sweet sweet hub has been taking very good care of me as well as the girls. I have continued to have an unbelievable peace that can only come from the Lord and have continued to pray for the physical pain as time has gone on. Now my sweet hub has continued to show me he is peaceful but still a little anxious as results were approaching.
Today at 11:30 Jeff picked me up to head to the Doctors office as we awaited my results. As we pulled into the parking lot I could tell Jeff wasn't doing well but was going to act as if he was. We parked the car and I grabbed his hand and just prayed! Prayed that the Lord would give peace no matter what the doctor was going to tell us. We walked o the waiting room and of the the room we went to meet with Dr. Eve. She came in and asked how my pain was and how I was feeling. I told her I was still in a lot of pain and she reassured me that it was normal as I have had THE most invasive surgery you could ever have on your breasts. She then told me " I will try and get rid of your pain by giving you the results of your pathology" As we are on the edge of our seats awaiting what she will say next. She began to tell us that there is one test that has not returned from the pathologist( it comes back tomorrow) but all of the other tests came back that my cancer is at stage 1 (meaning we caught it so early) and that it is NOT in my lymph nodes that all cancer was removed at the time of the surgery!! She kept speaking and again I heard NO CANCER blah blah blah. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jeff's head drop to his chest. I look over at him and he is balling like a baby! Which made me ball like a baby. The doctor then looked at an intern that was in the room and said "This has been a very emotional 5 weeks for all of us". AMEN! This test that we are waiting for is a "double make sure we are positive" kind of test. She began to tell us we will still need to go to UCSF and see an oncologist and that they would decide what treatment I will need from here. There is a test they will give me to determine the chance of it ever coming back and this will determine the treatment whether it is pills or chemo. Sh removed one drain and OUCH!!!! ( 2 more to go tomorrow).
After this appointment was over I couldn't wait to get to the car and Praise my Lord Jesus Christ with my ever so sweet hubby Jeff. We walked out of the door and Jeff bawled so hard and I can't quite hug yet and that was so hard. We got to the car and I grabbed Jeff's hand and just started praying. Thank you Lord Jesus for our faithfulness. Thank you that you have prepared our path ahead of us, Thank you that you never left our side. Lord Jesus thank you for your peace that surpasses all understanding, Thank you that you have chosen me for this! I went on and on. I couldn't stop, how could i stop praising His name after all He sweet Jesus has done for me! We had to run a couple errands after that and my poor hubby could not hold it together. i wanted to just walk up to complete strangers and say " Did you know that my Lord Jesus just healed me of breast cancer" but I guess that isn't something you just do but I wanted to so bad. We came home and my 3 sweet little kiddos were sitting here and we sat them down and this time told them "girls, Our God healed mommy of breast cancer" because of prayer He healed me! My girls had huge smiles on there faces and I tried as best I could to hug them as tight as I could. You could see the relief in their little hearts. What a Day a day the Lord made for ME AGAIN! Praise Jesus.
SOOOO What can you pray for now....
PRAISE JESUS for what he has done... Really worship Him and praise His holy name with me.
Pray the last test comes back fine ( I am certain it will but still pray he deserves it)
Pray for healing as I am still laid up in physical pain and my hubby is still taking care of a lot
Pray that my oncologist appointment on September 1st goes well and my treatment would be the least ( pills over chemo)
Pray my other 2 drains come out tomorrow!
Pray for me writing and giving my testimony this weekend. Pray the Lord will be able to touch people through my words and people would come to know Him through this!
Thank you so much for everything I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for each and everyone of you!
To my sweet hub thank you for loving me and taking care of me the way you have.
I love all of you
Heather
My Journey Continues at Home After Surgery
Thank you all for praying for me and believing in our Lord Jesus! As I sit here or wait a minute lay here and type this to you my heart and mind are going so much faster than my hands can type. I am in complete awe of my Lord right now! This process has been a bit painful physically but the spiritual side of it has been incredible and I wouldnt trade it for anything. Thank you all for praying for me, visiting me, cooking for my family and I and just being here for me and my family! It has been incredible. I kow Jeff has updated you a bit since my last post but I will give you my journey from my perspective...
Wednesday came very quickly and it was time to give my 3 kiddos to my mom as I had a couple appointments I had to get to before Thursday. That was a hard moment. I dont know about you but anytime I go into surgery you feel as if it will be the last time you see any of your loved ones. I guess it is because the whole situation is out of your control. As I said goodbye with one last kiss I got in my car and just cried. It was hard but I knew the Lord and my mom would take great care of them. 3:30 came quickly and it was time I had to go to nuclear medicine to have an injection in my right beast so that they can find my centinal lymph nodes in surgery. We show up at Doctors hospital in the nuc med department and there are danger signs all over the place. As I sat there I kept thinking to myself"should my healthy body be going into such a dangerous place"? Of course reality hit and I had to remind myself of this nasty disease called cancer is still sitting in my boobie and I am there so they can get it out. The guy called me in and told me there would be a woman doctor coming in to inject the spot with die that will move into my lymphnodes so the dr can remove them the next day. The doctor came in and introduced herself and asked about my cancer. I told her a little and she looked at me and said " I will pray for you" Within that time everything went through my head... such as, "who do you pray to", for all I know she could be praying to buddha? These are just thoughts that were going through my mind. So I began to share my journey with her. She was very interested as she injected FIRE into me.. To get my mind off of the pain I began to tell her that our church was dedicating the 22nd and 23rd to cancer patients and survivors that weekend. As she was almost done she said to me "You have to think positive and let the Almighty handle this". I still don't know if we were talking about the same Lord but I do know that God plants seeds and if this was one YEAH God! They took some pictures and off we went out the door to the next thing. Jeff and I went on a date wed. night and came home and fell asleep.
Alarm went off at 5 am and into the shower and off we went to the surgery center. As we pulled into the parking lot there was Ben and Gretch waiting for us so they could pray before we went in. SO So sweet. We all walked in to check in and on the couch in the waiting room sat Rick Countryman, He pulled us all outside where we prayed again. I tell ya you never can pray too much! I checked in and then the 5 of us sat and chatted and giggled and had a great time. Then off went my buzzer, so hugs to erveryone and into pre op I went. As I changed into my beautiful fashion gown and got all settled in the nurse came into do my iv. She began to tell me about her mom having breast cancer also. I have had some very interesting conversations with random people ( thank you Lord Jesus for putting them in my path or I in theirs). Jeff came back to sit with me until it was time to go. Dr. Enevoldsen came in to draw on me and then the anesthasiologist too. I again told him a thousand times how sick I get when I wake up.He gave me all the names of medications he was going to give me. WOW I have never had that happen before. He left and all of a sudden I began to have a panic attack. This is something I have never experienced in my life. I chalk it up to satan once again trying to get my eyes on him instead of the Lord. Dr. Eve came in at the same time and I just started crying. I was scared SO scared She reassured me and got my bed rolling as fast as she could to the O.R. As the bed was moving all I could hear was my sweet hub praying loud over me. They got me to o.r and before I even switched beds they had me out.
I woke up in recovery feeling pretty good just thirsty. They finally wheeled me upstairs into the hospital hotel room (it was really nice). They called Jeff up and he began to tell me all of the answered prayer that took place. Dr. Eve was able to get all of the centinal nodes plus 25 lymphnodes she wanted. Dr. enevoldsen was able to get the implants in fine because all of my skin stayed alive (YEAH) the other option would or could have taken months more. He told me about the lymphnodes that were taken out were black and at first they said they thought black nodes meant melanoma BUT they were black because of my tattoo! The list of answered prayer goes on and on and on praise to Jesus. I was so looped on drugs that Rick Countryman came to visit and right in the middle of talking I fell asleep! hahaha Now that I think about it all I do is laugh. That evening because of all the drugs they had going through my system and no solid foods I got very nauseated and started throwing up. I don't know about anyone else but I wish they invented something better to puke into when you are stuck in bed! Finally they gave me more medicine to stop the nausea and off to sleep I went. I woke up every 15 minutes all night wanting to be home in my own bed with my family. The next morning came and I started throwing up again. The physician assistant came in and offered to give me a shot in the behind to stop the nauseousness. At first I said no because I had had enough of the needles. But realized very quickly that I had to have it. She came in to give it to me and I couldnt roll over because I have 3 drains coming out all over the place so she decided to give it to me in my thigh! UUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH is what I yelled at the top of my lungs. It hurt so bad. Think of it as a tetnus shot times 100. But no more nausea. Both Dr.'s came into see me in the morning and told me I could go home.
I got home about??? wow I don't even know, too much medicine. The girls were delivered with my mom and dad that evening. It was so good to see them and be with them. My sweet hub along with my girls have taken very good care of me. Almost too good. I make my hub nervous when I am down so if you could imagine Jeff running and pacing back and forth it is a sight! It makes me giggle. But at the same time is stressful for him.
I am excited for the healing process. If you were to see me now with all these drains coming from everywhere you would be frightened. It is quite a sight. I had to give up my beautiful fashion gown at the hospital for a beautiful fashion sports bra! Worth the switcharoo.
This has been quite a journey so far and the Lord has prepared a path for me and continues to do so. The only thing He asks is that I stay on that path for Him. That I am more than willing to do. He has been with me from day one and never has left my side. I have seen Him be glorified more than you will ever know. Being His witness is amazing. Lord Jesus continue to use me, out of all people ME to glorify your name.
I was reading Psalms 119:73-74" Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me for I have put my hope in your word." This is my prayer for myself and for all of you. May we all put our hope in His word.
What can you continue to pray for-
- lets Praise Jesus for my surgery and all answered prayer
-pray that Jeff can handle me and the girls all at once ( his job description never read housewife)
-pray for quick recovery as I am no good in bed all the time it drives me bonkers
-pray for me as I prepare my testimony and give it next weekend (those that know me know I don't like to speak in front of people) and pray many would give their lives to Jesus and be touched by the whole service.
-continue to pray(believeing) for my lymphnodes that they come back with no cancer
Thank you again for everything. Your prayers, thoughts,gifts,calls, emails, facebooks, twitters ,poems, food and just showing up when the Lord called you to do so. It is amazing..
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I will keep you updated as the week goes by.
John 14:13 -14
If you ask for anything in my name, I will do it for you so that the Father's glory will be shown through the Son. If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it.
I have been a witness to this and so have all of you. Prayer works! Never Never stop praying!
I will keep you updated on my progress
Thanks again
Love
Heather
Wednesday came very quickly and it was time to give my 3 kiddos to my mom as I had a couple appointments I had to get to before Thursday. That was a hard moment. I dont know about you but anytime I go into surgery you feel as if it will be the last time you see any of your loved ones. I guess it is because the whole situation is out of your control. As I said goodbye with one last kiss I got in my car and just cried. It was hard but I knew the Lord and my mom would take great care of them. 3:30 came quickly and it was time I had to go to nuclear medicine to have an injection in my right beast so that they can find my centinal lymph nodes in surgery. We show up at Doctors hospital in the nuc med department and there are danger signs all over the place. As I sat there I kept thinking to myself"should my healthy body be going into such a dangerous place"? Of course reality hit and I had to remind myself of this nasty disease called cancer is still sitting in my boobie and I am there so they can get it out. The guy called me in and told me there would be a woman doctor coming in to inject the spot with die that will move into my lymphnodes so the dr can remove them the next day. The doctor came in and introduced herself and asked about my cancer. I told her a little and she looked at me and said " I will pray for you" Within that time everything went through my head... such as, "who do you pray to", for all I know she could be praying to buddha? These are just thoughts that were going through my mind. So I began to share my journey with her. She was very interested as she injected FIRE into me.. To get my mind off of the pain I began to tell her that our church was dedicating the 22nd and 23rd to cancer patients and survivors that weekend. As she was almost done she said to me "You have to think positive and let the Almighty handle this". I still don't know if we were talking about the same Lord but I do know that God plants seeds and if this was one YEAH God! They took some pictures and off we went out the door to the next thing. Jeff and I went on a date wed. night and came home and fell asleep.
Alarm went off at 5 am and into the shower and off we went to the surgery center. As we pulled into the parking lot there was Ben and Gretch waiting for us so they could pray before we went in. SO So sweet. We all walked in to check in and on the couch in the waiting room sat Rick Countryman, He pulled us all outside where we prayed again. I tell ya you never can pray too much! I checked in and then the 5 of us sat and chatted and giggled and had a great time. Then off went my buzzer, so hugs to erveryone and into pre op I went. As I changed into my beautiful fashion gown and got all settled in the nurse came into do my iv. She began to tell me about her mom having breast cancer also. I have had some very interesting conversations with random people ( thank you Lord Jesus for putting them in my path or I in theirs). Jeff came back to sit with me until it was time to go. Dr. Enevoldsen came in to draw on me and then the anesthasiologist too. I again told him a thousand times how sick I get when I wake up.He gave me all the names of medications he was going to give me. WOW I have never had that happen before. He left and all of a sudden I began to have a panic attack. This is something I have never experienced in my life. I chalk it up to satan once again trying to get my eyes on him instead of the Lord. Dr. Eve came in at the same time and I just started crying. I was scared SO scared She reassured me and got my bed rolling as fast as she could to the O.R. As the bed was moving all I could hear was my sweet hub praying loud over me. They got me to o.r and before I even switched beds they had me out.
I woke up in recovery feeling pretty good just thirsty. They finally wheeled me upstairs into the hospital hotel room (it was really nice). They called Jeff up and he began to tell me all of the answered prayer that took place. Dr. Eve was able to get all of the centinal nodes plus 25 lymphnodes she wanted. Dr. enevoldsen was able to get the implants in fine because all of my skin stayed alive (YEAH) the other option would or could have taken months more. He told me about the lymphnodes that were taken out were black and at first they said they thought black nodes meant melanoma BUT they were black because of my tattoo! The list of answered prayer goes on and on and on praise to Jesus. I was so looped on drugs that Rick Countryman came to visit and right in the middle of talking I fell asleep! hahaha Now that I think about it all I do is laugh. That evening because of all the drugs they had going through my system and no solid foods I got very nauseated and started throwing up. I don't know about anyone else but I wish they invented something better to puke into when you are stuck in bed! Finally they gave me more medicine to stop the nausea and off to sleep I went. I woke up every 15 minutes all night wanting to be home in my own bed with my family. The next morning came and I started throwing up again. The physician assistant came in and offered to give me a shot in the behind to stop the nauseousness. At first I said no because I had had enough of the needles. But realized very quickly that I had to have it. She came in to give it to me and I couldnt roll over because I have 3 drains coming out all over the place so she decided to give it to me in my thigh! UUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH is what I yelled at the top of my lungs. It hurt so bad. Think of it as a tetnus shot times 100. But no more nausea. Both Dr.'s came into see me in the morning and told me I could go home.
I got home about??? wow I don't even know, too much medicine. The girls were delivered with my mom and dad that evening. It was so good to see them and be with them. My sweet hub along with my girls have taken very good care of me. Almost too good. I make my hub nervous when I am down so if you could imagine Jeff running and pacing back and forth it is a sight! It makes me giggle. But at the same time is stressful for him.
I am excited for the healing process. If you were to see me now with all these drains coming from everywhere you would be frightened. It is quite a sight. I had to give up my beautiful fashion gown at the hospital for a beautiful fashion sports bra! Worth the switcharoo.
This has been quite a journey so far and the Lord has prepared a path for me and continues to do so. The only thing He asks is that I stay on that path for Him. That I am more than willing to do. He has been with me from day one and never has left my side. I have seen Him be glorified more than you will ever know. Being His witness is amazing. Lord Jesus continue to use me, out of all people ME to glorify your name.
I was reading Psalms 119:73-74" Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me for I have put my hope in your word." This is my prayer for myself and for all of you. May we all put our hope in His word.
What can you continue to pray for-
- lets Praise Jesus for my surgery and all answered prayer
-pray that Jeff can handle me and the girls all at once ( his job description never read housewife)
-pray for quick recovery as I am no good in bed all the time it drives me bonkers
-pray for me as I prepare my testimony and give it next weekend (those that know me know I don't like to speak in front of people) and pray many would give their lives to Jesus and be touched by the whole service.
-continue to pray(believeing) for my lymphnodes that they come back with no cancer
Thank you again for everything. Your prayers, thoughts,gifts,calls, emails, facebooks, twitters ,poems, food and just showing up when the Lord called you to do so. It is amazing..
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I will keep you updated as the week goes by.
John 14:13 -14
If you ask for anything in my name, I will do it for you so that the Father's glory will be shown through the Son. If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it.
I have been a witness to this and so have all of you. Prayer works! Never Never stop praying!
I will keep you updated on my progress
Thanks again
Love
Heather
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